And very soulfully she sunk into her chair
Thoughts entered her mind but not like before
For this was a different kind of night
Grace was in the air
Peace drowned her being
She never saw such clarity before
For this was a very different kind of night
Nothing like ever before
She was syncing with her soul
For she was coming home
She loved herself forevermore
There were no more demons left to run from
The universe answered her prayers
For she was finally whole
Your scars are merely just beautiful bruises, they don't circulate the blood in your veins. Do not allow them to shape your behavior nor consume your being. Beneath those scars lies a light. Keep digging and let it shine.
Your Kind Heart
Fear does not contribute to your growth, it limits you. Be aware that it is present but don't let it define your actions.
There is something very powerful and profoundly liberating in seeking your inner child and validating her feelings. During my Oprah & Deepak meditation, Oprah speaks of John Bradshaw, author of Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. While on Oprah's show, he instructed the audience to conduct an exercise. He told everyone to close their eyes and envision their childhood home, look into the window of that house and find themselves inside the home. He then asked them to reflect on the following questions:
What do you see?
What do you feel?
What is going on with you and your relationships with everyone in the house?
What gift did you possess that others may have overlooked?
What burdens were you made to carry?
What brought you hope?
What made you sad?
In, Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, Bradshaw dives deep into the process of healing your wounded inner child which involves these six steps (paraphrased from Bradshaw as noted on psychcentral.com)
For your wounded inner child to come out of hiding, she must be able to trust that you will be there for her. Your inner child also needs a supportive, non-shaming ally to validate his abandonment, neglect, abuse, and enmeshment. Those are the first essential elements in original pain work.
If you’re still inclined to minimize and/or rationalize the ways in which you were shamed, ignored, or used to nurture your parents, you need now to accept the fact that these things truly wounded your soul. Your parents weren’t bad, they were just wounded kids themselves.
3. Shock & Anger
If this is all shocking to you, that’s great, because shock is the beginning of grief.
It’s okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unintentional. In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. I don’t mean you need to scream and holler (although you might). It’s just okay to be mad about a dirty deal.
I know [my parents] did the best that two wounded adult children could do. But I’m also aware that I was deeply wounded spiritually and that it’s had life-damaging consequences for me. What that means is that I hold us all responsible to stop what we’re doing to ourselves and to others.
After anger comes hurt and sadness. If we were victimized, we must grieve that betrayal. We must also grieve what might’ve been–our dreams and aspirations. We must grieve our unfulfilled developmental needs.
When we grieve for someone who’s died, remorse is sometimes more relevant; for instance, perhaps we wish we’d spent more time with the deceased person. But in grieving childhood abandonment, you must help your wounded inner child see that there was nothing she could’ve done differently. Her pain is about what happened to her; it’s about her.
The deepest core feelings of grief are toxic shame and loneliness. We were shamed by [our parents] abandoning us. We feel we are bad, as if we’re contaminated, and that shame leads to loneliness. Since our inner child feels flawed and defective, she has to cover up her true self with her adapted, false self. She then comes to identify herself by her false self. Her true self remains alone and isolated.
Staying with this last layer of painful feelings is the hardest part of the grief process. “The only way out is through,” we say in therapy. It’s hard to stay at that level of shame and loneliness; but as we embrace these feelings, we come out the other side. We encounter the self that’s been in hiding. You see, because we hid it from others, we hid it from ourselves. In embracing our shame and loneliness, we begin to touch our truest self.
Partial forgiveness is not enough. Your heart is the gatekeeper to happiness and knows if there is partial pain or anguish present. You need to fully forgive if you want to cultivate genuine love in your heart towards yourself and others. If you cannot find this mercy, you haven't forgiven yourself nor made peace with the past. Choose to fully love yourself and practice empathy because you deserve happiness and a life of abundant love. Those who hurt you deserve love, compassion and are worthy of empathy. We know not what they have been through or what their story is, nor the emotional battles they face. Keep in mind that everyone interprets information based on their own experiences. Therefore, we empathize with that reality within our own consciousness when facing situations. With this revelation, we do not devalue the situation itself, but we can choose to uproot and release the anger, pain and shame the situation inflicted upon us. Holding on to the negative and oppressive emotions will only create a blockage in our quest for self-love, inner peace, and transparent self-awareness. Whatever is plaguing your heart, you have to let it go. Reinforce the behavior of forgiveness with compassion as you approach every situation. The situations that you greet with empathy and compassion, whether from the past or present, will assist in manifesting inward gratitude. You are not the victim of your past experiences, this mindset will only deflect you from your personal growth. Rather, you are the product of the collective lessons that have contributed to your spiritual growth and the love and compassion you choose to inject into your scars. The more we practice this system of awareness, the more positive energy we secrete and more light and gratitude will be radiated into the world and ourselves.
Like the spirit of a fierce lioness, the female heart is robust and audacious. With a bold ability to engage and confront obstacles, we rise triumphantly. We have the capacity to endure pain, process it, let it pass through and advance graciously. We see negativity and yes, at times, we feed in but our strong principles remain ascendant and bring us back to our true nature. We take these lessons and elevate our consciousness. We wear our scars like crowns. For us, there is no other way than to transform and persist onward. We accelerate forward and advance into our pursuit of bliss. And despite all of the adversity we've repeatedly encountered, we maintain our innate ability to love and nurture. We are a celestial phenomenon.
The universe and it's messengers
The messages from the universe are everywhere, you just need to pay close attention. The universe conspires to send you what you ask for. We are living beings, just as plants, trees and animals, we are all made up of cells. Our thoughts or cellular energy we release into the universe attract that into our physical life. This is the law of attraction. Often times, we miss the signs because we do not pay attention. Everything and everyone you come across serves a purpose. Be an effective listener and observer. The universe has postured these exchanges in your life to make a meaningful impact and aid in manifesting your inner desires or perhaps unearth brilliance.
I'll give you an example. For the last several months, I have been sorting through my inner truth. I came to the realization that we all have a story and it's important to let other women know that they are not alone. That we all struggle with emotional turmoil, we need to accept it, embrace it and release it. I thought to myself how can I reach women and provide empowerment and inspiration through my story. I started writing my ideas down and thought of starting a women's empowerment group. The thought lingered for weeks but I kept doubting the idea with "how's" and "what ifs." A few weeks ago, I received a random FB invite for a screening of a film. Typically, I don't acknowledge invites unless it is from a close friend or relative because I get a lot of random event invites from people I don't really know or rarely interact with. I would've generally dismissed it but the title caught my attention, it was called "Goddess Project." I looked up the trailer and was floored that the film was aligned with my women's empowerment concept. On top of that, the screening was taking place on a night I did not have class (I never skip class), there was no way I was going to miss it. The film's basis was about women's empowerment through sharing of our stories, it was absolutely riveting to know that my abstract idea was manifested in this film! I have included the link to the film's website below, I implore you to please check it out. Around this time, I was asking the universe to give me a sign of what else I needed to be doing. I knew the empowerment group was in the right path but I felt as though I was missing a piece of infrastructure. About a week after seeing the film, someone I recently met took the time to highlight the sense of brilliance, spiritualism and uniqueness they observed in me, essentially they told me I was a nerd (LOL). But the conversation sparked a philosophical engine that was sort of on idle. I interpreted all of these events as synchronicity. It was almost magical. From that point on, I couldn't stop writing, the ideas for blogs keep coming.
This was the universe's way of telling me that I needed to get this women's empowerment concept in motion. The subtle inclination towards writing my ideas down. The idea for an empowerment group (which I still intend on doing). The women's empowerment film I saw from that random FB invite that happened to be on a non-school night. The encouraging encounter which unearthed a philosophical inclination. All of these signs compelled me to start this blog.
The universe conspires to make all these little things add up to something monumental. The relevant signs are there. You must be inquisitive while on path to your goals. Look around, pay attention and be observant. Learn to interpret and apply the messages you receive to your life, to your story. When you align these messages with your heart and intuition, you are on your way to actualizing your destiny.
The most important part is to pass along the goodness you receive from the universe. Please take the time to tell other women what you see in them. Whether it's uniqueness, creativity, competitiveness, sincerity, brilliance or astounding character, etc. You never know when someone is on the edge of a breakthrough and those few minutes of conversation can thrust them into actualizing something that's been abstractly brewing.
Here is the link to the film:
Self discovery is beautiful
Something beautiful is happening inside of you. You are beginning to question your truth. You are accepting your story. You are letting go of this mythical perception of yourself. You question your purpose, what fulfills you, what injects passion into your soul and ultimately, what sets your inner beauty ablaze. You are discovering what ignites your inner bliss. These revelations transcend outward and you begin to exude a sensual aura. You are blossoming, the universe has been expecting you. During this process, listen to your intuition, it constructs the illustration of what you want. Follow your heart, it directs your path. Keep in mind that fear, ushers you into comfort zones and brilliance rarely debuts there.
To look inside yourself and stir the pot is one of the bravest things you will ever do. You awaken oppressed dreadful emotions that have unconsciously controlled your behavior for far too long. Initially, these intensely uncomfortable feelings seem overwhelmingly malignant and bring you down. But in processing them and accepting them, you consequently release them. Imagine going through your whole life carrying this dreadful dead weight. What a sad and unnecessary burden! As natural as a snake sheds dead skin, we, similarly should practice shedding our dense emotional weight.
So, get out of your comfort zone and face this inner truth head on. This is subconscious liberation. You are no longer running or avoiding. You are reflecting. You are processing. You are releasing. Therefore, you are brave.
Don't Underestimate Your Potential
Your potential is real and viable. Too many times we tend to tell ourselves, "but, what if". Well, what if we told ourselves something different moving forward? How about, "give it your best and hope for the best" or "you got this". Our brain has been on self-doubt auto pilot for much too long. We are conditioned from a young age to fear the unknown and to be complacent. Complacency is okay for some people. But you are reading this because you want more and realistically, you are capable of more. A great way to start shaping this type of mentality is by starting and ending your day with self affirmations. Tell yourself, with conviction, that you are: bright, capable, smart, driven, confident, relevant, etc. Whatever you struggle with, self affirm the opposite of that. Without getting too scientific, this practice will direct your brain activity to create new neural pathways which will overlap the insecurity pathway that exists. Think of it as sort of a detour in your brain, leading to the same lobe where the insecurity exists. But you are now sending positive affirmation signals instead of all the garbage we've been conditioned to send. This is a long term practice. You will begin to notice how you gradually begin to speak to your strengths. We need to unlearn all the negative self talk we've been taught and nurture our cerebral wellness. Just as we would nurse a wound on our flesh, our brain also needs curative attention.