Do you live your life conditionally? Like, if this happens, then I am that. It's a lie. What media feeds you about yourself is a lie. You don't need anything to feel good about yourself. The wisdom to tap into the part of you that is divine, that is true and real, is in your deepest being. It is not in your waking and conditioned conscience but in your core self. When you finally surrender thought and sink into meditation, your authentic self, your spirit reveals itself. There you find the answers and strength to shed who you are not and move toward your true nature while awake in consciousness. You are worthy of the effort you put into your spiritual practice, it takes time but you will begin to feel joyful and lighter. And if you need to make a change with something that is holding you back or hurting you, accept that it served its purpose while you needed it, then change it. An alcoholic cannot stop drinking until they've admitted they have a problem. Everything must be acknowledged and accepted before it is healed. Then slowly, you move toward who you're meant to be by tapping into your divine true self through practicing meditation daily. Slowly increase the duration of your meditations. There are wonderful gifts in your authentic silence waiting to be unwrapped and felt only by you.
I want to help you find your spiritual self: